Used Cows For Sale

As a scout, traveling the highways of the Midwest, you take in little slices of life along the trail; some can even remind you of the cards you once collected. Traveling north from Nashville, Tennessee on I-65 heading towards Louisville, Kentucky there is one sign that invariably brings a small chuckle and a shake of the head to scouts each time they pass the landmark.

Just off the road shy of Exit 81 for Sonora, Kentucky and Route 84 is a sign from Sullivan Farms advertising “USED COWS FOR SALE” and a number to call. Huh!?

It makes one wonder, why would anyone want to buy a used cow? And think about it, what do you do with a used cow? Are cows that difficult to housebreak that one needs to buy a used cow instead of a calf? Are cows even a good house pet? Maybe people buy these used cows, take care of them
for awhile longer and then turn around and sell them to premium steak houses as aged beef.

One can almost imagine Old Man Sullivan in a pair of overalls, flannel shirt as a John Deere cap hides part of his sun-worn face on the local cable access station out of Elizabethtown every Sunday morning from 5:13 AM until 5:47 AM, showing off his used cows for sale.

“Low mileage and only been milked on Sundays to give a little color to my mother’s coffee. But you better hurry on up, there goin’ fast pardner.”

We just don’t know, but the sign has been up for over 30 years, so these folks must sell a damn good used cow. Used cows?

So getting on to our card, Smoky Burgess comes to mind when we think of the used cows. The lefty
swinger was an offensive-minded backstop for the Phillies (1953-54) and Reds (1955-58), but most notably a perennial All-Star during five seasons with the Pirates (1959-64). In all, he was honored with nine All-Star Game selections, playing in seven mid-summer classics; and helping the Pirates upset the New York Yankees in the 1960 World Series. Burgess also was behind the plate for Pirate hurler Harvey Haddix’s near perfect game of May 26, 1959 against the Milwaukee Braves.

In his first five seasons for the Pirates, the hind snatcher logged a .301 batting average in 518 games. But by 1964, Burgess’ body had seen better days. His bat was suffering, as Burgess was
hitting just .246 after 68 games, yielding playing time to Jim Pagliaroni. Hence, Pittsburgh General Manager Joe Brown put out the baseball’s proverbial “Used Cow For Sale” sign, when he placed
Burgess on waivers in September, where he was picked up by the White Sox.

Pale Hose managers Al Lopez and Eddie Stanky promptly sat the hefty Burgess on the bench, calling upon him regularly for his pinch-hitting expertise. During his three-plus seasons in the
Windy City, Burgess would appear in 243 contests, but catch in just seven games!

As we can tell from the belly in his 1967 card, which would be his last time on cardboard, life was good for Burgess as a pinch-hitter. No squatting, very little running and by being on the bench, he was close to the post-game spread in the clubhouse. Unfortunately, the good times came to an end in 1967, when Burgess suffered with back problems and hit just .133 in 76 plate appearances over 77 games.

After the season the White Sox put their “Used Cow” on waivers, but found no takers, as Burgess was sent off to a distant pasture— maybe in Sonora, KY, to be a salesman for Old Man Sullivan — never to appear in another major league game.

There was once a time in baseball when the waiver wire was a vital method of acquiring talent. Rosters were tight and the management of the 40-man roster was a challenge for General Managers. Clubs could make small splashes by canvassing the waiver wire.

These days, with injuries and excessive use of bullpen arms, the waiver wire is just another way of picking up a spare part to fill a quick need for teams. General Managers routinely have an open spot on the 40-man roster for an emergency waiver wire acquisition. Players move between Triple-A and the big leagues; on and off the 40-man roster like a bungee jumper going up-and-down, up-and-down. It is not easy for the players, who have to live life on the move as they reside on the fringe of the 40-man roster.

There really are not many Used Cows for Sale now-a-days, just spare cows for hire.