Charade Grounds

BY KEVIN KERNAN

Death by data.

C ya, Red Sox. C ya, Cubbies.

Credit the Yankees and the Padres for playing real baseball, sending real scouts to scout opponents, playing together as a unit, and quickly dispatching the Over-Nerding Red Sox and Cubbies in dominant sweeps in the Charade Series.

There is no short series “randomness’’ about these outcomes as some would like you to believe; the best teams won. And that is why I refer to the Wild Card Series as the Charade Series. Charade teams are quickly eliminated. And you can sure throw the 81-83 Astros into the Charade garbage pile. They did not even deserve to be invited to the postseason party with that 81-81 record and the upstart White Sox showed that — but in the never-ending search for more TV money, Rob Manfred had to have enough warm bodies to field 12 playoff teams, another baseball boondoggle.

New Rule: If your record is not over .500 you are not an eligible playoff team.

Big players and big talent step up in these games. As I said on the Rob Dibble show on Wednesday before the Padres dispatched the Cubbies, this was the perfect matchup for the Padres because it automatically put the incredibly talented Fernando Tatis Jr. at his motivated best because this was mano a mano, leadoff hitter against leadoff hitter, Tatis Jr. vs. regular season MVP Pete Crow-Armstrong.

And Tatis Jr. won big.

It was no contest from the first at-bat when PCA, trying too hard, struck out while Fernando – sitting changeup on Matthew Boyd because the Padres actually scouted their opponent with live, breathing scouts – blasted a home run, a 405-foot home run on the first pitch to him.

Dear Baseball Apologists: There was nothing random about that. Then the second batter, Manny Machado, a player I have known since he first came up with the Orioles and Alex Rodriguez introduced me to him at David Ortiz’ charity golf tournament in Punta Cana, followed with another home run on the second pitch to him — yes, a changeup.

Pack your bags, Cubbies. Adios. It was only a matter of time. Because I spent 10 years in San Diego, I am rooting for the Padres, their fans are so devoted. The Padres make the game exciting, and AJ Preller goes for the jugular, no matter the costs. And wouldn’t you know it, Xander Bogaerts homered off another Boyd changeup in the fourth inning, sending the sellout Padres crowd into another HR Frenzy. In the bottom of the fourth in Game 2 came another big blow that iced the series, Gavin Sheets blasted a two-run home run off David Palencia. The pitching poor Cubbies were dead in the water.

I’m really looking forward to the Padres-Brewers matchup that begins Saturday in Milwaukee, two real baseball teams, similar to the Yankees-Rays series in the ALDS.

But first I have to bury the Red Sox.

As one Baseball Man told BallNine: “I would like for the people that make those decisions at 5 p.m. to stand on the podium and explain why.’’

Nerds and leopards don’t change their spots. And put this series loss on chief baseball officer Craig Breslow for running out that rag tag team that was only there because they had an incredible 32-5 run in June and July when they actually did baseball things, especially on offense; moving runners, doing whatever had to be done, bunting, small ball, baseball. Not now. The Red Sox hit .117 in this series as they swung for the fences over and over.

Breslow and his cronies thought they could outsmart the Yankees and the clueless Red Sox arrogantly lifted both their starters, Payton Tolle and Sonny Gray, way too early. The Aaron Judge-less Yankees pounced on awkward looking lefty reliever Erik Miller. Why he was a better choice than Tolle or Gray is something only a Nerd would know and it was painful to watch new manager Chad Tracy, who really does know baseball, have to explain it in his postgame press conferences why “he’’ pulled them.

As one Baseball Man told BallNine: “I would like for the people that make those decisions at 5 p.m. to stand on the podium and explain why.’’

That is something I have been saying and writing for years.

Parade the Nerds out to the postgame press conference, after the plan fails. But those putting together such ridiculous baseball equations (Erik Miller over Payton Tolle and Sonny Gray) are nowhere to be found.

Chad Tracy has spent a lifetime of managing in the minor leagues and clearly has a feel for the game and is the son of a major league manager. There is no way he went into those Red Sox planning sessions with Breslow & the Nerds, cleared his throat and declared, “Hey, just want everybody to know, if Tolle and Gray are pitching well, keeping us in the game in this hostile environment, I am still going to take them out on low pitch counts because I want to get the big lefty, Miller, who has never appeared in a postseason game. I want him to come in at that big moment and show his stuff.’’

No, this was all about Breslow & Co. who wanted to show how smart and arrogant they are after acquiring Miller from the Giants in the Marcelo Mayer deal.

Look, here is why we got him!

It blew up in their faces both nights, helping send the Yankees to easy 9-0 and 9-2 wins over the Red Sox. Poor Erik Miller wound up with a 13.50 ERA in the Charade Series.

Tracy had to sit there and take the heat. Hey, but there are only 30 of these jobs, you do what you do to survive. As I have said over and over, analytics don’t work in the postseason and even the Yankees have smartened up about that and good for them.

Tracy acted like he was about to get a root canal when asked about the moves. Veteran Red Sox first baseman Willson Contreras sounded the alarm in the Red Sox clubhouse when asked about improvements the team has to make: “It is not enough when you have talent, or you have data, or you have computers telling you what to do because this is baseball.’’

Exactly, baseball not nerdball.

Contreras, a former catcher who knows the game, added, “The data is here to help us but at the end of the day you are going to have to have experience and veteran guys to win games. There is a lot of stuff that I would like to say but not right now.’’

A wise reporter then asked: “Do you feel there is too much of a reliance on data?’’

Contreras answered succinctly: “If you watch the game … if you watch the game.’’

That is a Nerd dagger right there. And I believe Contreras’ slow prance around the bases after his sixth-inning home run was directed at Breslow & Co. as much as the Yankees.

Contreras is onto something that is a big part of the problem, Nerds don’t really watch games, they watch data. Just listen to them speak, including the Mets’ David Stearns and his recent Ivy League seminar at Citi Field. That was painful.

Another longtime Baseball Man made this point to me in a pointed text Thursday, writing: “The only way this idiocy will change is if players revolt.’’

Gray was revolting too in the Red Sox clubhouse after being pulled by Puppet Tracy down 1-0 with two outs in the fifth and only 70 pitches under his 14-year MLB belt.

“I would have liked to have been trusted in that moment,’’ Gray said.

And that is another can of Nerd worms.

Nerds are limited in their understanding and feeling what a clubhouse is all about. There are two words, they both begin with T, that tell you about a team.

Talent & Trust.

The players have to have talent, but they have to trust one another, too; they have to trust the manager because it is a part of the DNA of a player not to trust the front office. Some front offices earn that trust, and they are ahead of the game.

Clearly the Red Sox players do not trust their own front office.

After all Tolle (9-6, 3.03 ERA) had done this season in his unique winning way, he was not trusted to stay in the game with 83 pitches and two outs in the fifth inning as he was finding out what this whole postseason thing at Yankee Stadium is about. NBC zoomed in on him after Miller gave up the home run to Ben Rice, but they quickly moved off him. Mistake. He was pissed.

The front office did not trust Sonny Gray (18-5, 2.72) after only 70 pitches and two outs in the fifth inning the next night, making the exact same Miller Time mistake. Baseball is about adjustments. That 5 p.m. Game Plan does not help you in the middle of the game, after, as Mike Tyson once wisely noted, “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.’’

Meanwhile, and this is one of the great improvements the 2026 Yankees have made, they trusted Cam Schlittler to throw a career high 117 pitches in Game 1. Yes, Schlittler is the AL Cy Young winner, and he has earned that trust, but the Yankees still had to let him go the limit. Schlittler is here to beat you. He is as Old School as they come, and the Yankees are lucky to have him. And for that they can thank Damon Oppenheimer, vice president, domestic amateur scouting, and his scouts, including New England area scout Matt Hyde.

Brian Cashman, Aaron Boone & Company were making a statement: Schlittler is here to shove, and we are going to let him do exactly that.

Look out AL. Four teams remain and here are their payrolls: Yankees, $294 million, Rays, $107 million, White Sox, $102 million and Guardians, $74 million. Those other three payrolls combined ($283 million) do not reach the Yankees’ level of money spent.

The Yankees have made it to October, searching for their first World Series win since 2009. They sure have the money. Will they have the Talent & Trust to finally win it all again? The Rays play the game right, so bring it on.