New Rule: LOB

BY KEVIN KERNAN

New Rule: When a position player comes into a game to pitch and LOBs the ball over the plate, the game is immediately called, the team with the lead wins — and that position player cannot play for two games and that roster spot cannot be filled.

I call it the LOB Rule.

LOB stands for Losers Only Baseball.

Put a position player on the mound like the Mariners did with third baseman Leo Rivas in their 22-0 loss to the Brewers on Tuesday, and if that position player lobs the ball over the plate, you immediately lose and get penalized; that position player must sit for two games. Meanwhile, the other team benefits with a win and also benefits by not having to throw any more real pitchers in the game that the losing team turned into a joke, by putting a slop thrower on the mound.

What’s that you say, it can’t be done? Rules cannot just be made out of thin air?

Hey, Rob Manfred implemented a rule where a free double is awarded to every team to start off each extra inning in the regular season, he made up a fake hit and a fake baserunner at second base out of thin air. So why can’t I make up this new rule to stop the avalanche of embarrassment created by the Nerds who are incapable of feeling shame because they are so arrogant, continuously running out of pitching even though every team carries 13 pitchers and teams are constantly bringing up different pitchers – I call them widgets – from the minors to fill those 13 slots?

That’s why I want the LOB Rule. Losers Only Baseball. This generation of baseball leadership deserves the LOB Rule.

The pitching fiasco was shown so brutally on Tuesday at American Family Field and is just the latest example of how far this game has fallen and is yet another indication the Nerds don’t know what they are doing. Something I have been saying here at BallNine for years.

That 22-0 Mariners loss ties a record for the most lopsided shutout loss in MLB history.

But Manfred is okay with all that because the Brewers picked up nine more hits, nine more runs and even an extra home run to bolster the league’s offensive statistics against Rivas — something Manfred desperately wants done because the Major League Baseball average is a humiliating .244.

“They are constantly lowering the bar in baseball,’’ a baseball man told BallNine on Wednesday. “That’s what they do best.’’

Speaking of that and speaking of not knowing what they are doing, it was announced on Wednesday that Jorge Polanco’s sad, sad season is over for the Mets because of ankle problems. Polanco was signed to replace Mets all-time home run leader Pete Alonso (264 home runs) at first base — a position Polanco had never played. His injury-riddled season ended having played 37 games, managing only 20 hits, two home runs, six RBIs and a .148 average.

Alonso’s year, you ask? Without much help from the Orioles fall on their face offense (thank you Mike Elias), the slugger has played 127 games. That’s every game by the way. After a slow start Alonso has 29 home runs, 23 doubles, owns 82 RBI and is batting .267.

David Stearns is the man who let Alonso – one of the most beloved Mets ever – walk away and did it in such a cavalier manner because he arrogantly thought he could get a 32-year-old utility player from the run-starved Mariners, of all places, to replace the heart of the Mets lineup.

That is what they do, folks.

If you can’t field a team with a real pitcher, you should not be on the field.

Again, they don’t know what they are doing and are being paid millions of dollars to show they don’t know what they are doing. A great gig if you can get it. Stearns has labeled this Mets season as “disappointing.’’

Not even close, David. It’s a nightmare. Owner Steve Cohen, who is the one really responsible for the Mets Mess (again) tried to put it in business terms on Wednesday, telling reporters at Citi Field the problem was that the Mets took “too much risk’’ this offseason with wholesale changes.

Someone purchase Steve Cohen, the man who has everything money can buy, a mirror, please. And then Cohen can pass it along to Stearns.

It’s arrogance. Pure arrogance. Stearns thought he could change out the entire coaching staff, change out key players, and even change out his handpicked manager Carlos Mendoza, who clearly had his hands tied behind his back by Stearns.

The Mets lacked discipline because of Cohen and Stearns. And they greatly missed Alonso.

Look in the mirror, all you failing presidents of baseball operations. And maybe start holding players accountable for their mistakes. Hold yourself accountable too. Brewers manager Pat Murphy holds his players accountable, and the Brewers have the best record in baseball. And you know what’s really funny about that? All the Nerds will tell you that hitting home runs is the ultimate offensive goal and strikeouts don’t matter.

Well, you know who is last in home runs in the majors?

The Brewers with 117. Yet they are fifth in runs scored and fifth in average at .252. Stearns’ last place Mets are 26th in average at .235 and 22nd in runs; they are ninth in home runs.

You would think that would bring a hint of shame to a team, but not in this era of Nerd Ball. Julio Rodriguez – in my estimation the most overrated “superstar’’ in baseball – pulled a dandy in that Mariner embarrassment, throwing a baseball into the stands after catching a fly ball for only the second out of the eighth inning, giving the Brewers another gift run.

Mariners’ TV analyst Ryan Rowland-Smith, playing Mr. Nice Guy to the hilt, said, “In Julio’s defense this has been a long inning … you put your mind in a different place.’’

Yeah, right. That was one of four errors the Mariners committed in the game as they dropped to 59-67. But this is the “No Shame’’ MLB. The Mariners are in the thick of the terrible AL West race in third place, four games back of the first place .500 Houston Astros and three games back in the horrendous AL wild card chase. Maybe some team will win the division with an under .500 record.

At the time of Rodriguez’ brain freeze – like I say all the time it is hard for Major League players to count to three – the position player on the mound in the eighth inning was Rivas, who surrendered nine runs in the inning: nine hits, seven of the runs were earned. When he entered, the Mariners were down to Pat Murphy’s Brewers, 13-0. And after his first LOB of a pitch that would have been the perfect place to enact my new rule; end the game at once after one LOB pitch from a position player.

If you can’t field a team with a real pitcher, you should not be on the field.

Rivas hits like a pitcher. He is batting .130 and has only seven RBIs on the season, so he allowed two more runs in the eighth than he has knocked in all season. You gotta love NerdBall.

And, by the way, I have a lifetime baseball experience with a position player pitching. You see, back on August 25, 1968, I was at Yankee Stadium as a 15-year-old fan when the hard hitting, hard throwing Rocky Colavito was brought into pitch in the fourth inning by Ralph Houk and the Yankees down 5-0 to the Tigers, Rocky’s old team. My dad was a Tigers fan, so we went to a lot of Tigers games.

Rocky was 35, in his final year in the majors, but Colavito did not just LOB the ball over the plate, he pitched; in fact, he fired the baseball, tossing 2 2/3 scoreless innings. It was a sight to behold, and Rocco Domenico Colavito, born in the Bronx, got the win as the Bronx Bombers came back for the victory. My dad was pissed.

Check out this excerpt from the fine SABR Bio of Colavito by Joseph Wancho.

“The highlight for Colavito came on August 25 when manager Ralph Houk beckoned him from the bullpen to relieve starter Steve Barber in the fourth inning. Pitching two and two-thirds innings of one-hit ball, Colavito picked up the victory for the Yankees. He was the last non-pitcher to win a game until catcher Brent Mayne of Colorado equaled the feat on August 22, 2000. Colavito walked two and struck out one. ‘When I got in the game, I threw mostly fastballs. A few curves and some sliders,’ said Colavito. “My slider worked better in the bullpen than on the mound, but it was there.’’’

That was a baseball memory for the ages for me because that was the first time I saw a position player pitch in a major league game, it was Rocky, an outfielder who threw so hard that before games he would have to warm up with the catcher because the catcher had extra padding in his mitt. They say Colavito threw harder than anyone in baseball back in his heyday.

That is yet another reason I want to create the LOB rule.

If you are going to be on the mound, pitch. No matter the score. If not, if you want to embarrass the game and your team and yourself, LOB the ball over the plate.

Losers Only Baseball.